In Memory of Mui
[Heart of Modern Woman ] [現代女人心]
(For typed Chinese version of this
book, our thanks to Jessica Wong, webmaster of
anita mui:phoenix:largerThanLife
Website: http://www26.brinkster.com/largerthanlife/
Disucssion forum: http://phoenixmui.proboards26.com/
My web-blog: http://www.livejournal.com/~jessenior/)
梅艷芳心中情
關於愛情
在感情路上經歷連番挫敗﹐今日的梅艷芳對愛情不存寄望﹐緣來緣去﹐又豈在個人掌握之內﹖
我以前覺得做我男朋友應該好幸福﹐一同出埠﹐我會訂好機票﹐執好行李﹐他需要做的只是提著行李出發﹐但對一個男人來說﹐這是否就是幸福呢﹖後來分手﹐我問對方﹕“我對你不好嗎﹖”他說﹕“好﹐太好﹐好到我不像一個男人﹐男人需要做的事﹐你全部為我做妥﹐我從來沒有機會去做一個男人應該做的事。”這時我開始反省﹐我一直以為我是人所共知的人物﹐我應該做得比別人多﹐ 令身邊的男人以我這個女朋友為榮﹐誰知這是錯的。
後期我知道有這個問題存在﹐所以兩年前再結識異性時﹐初初開始我很低調﹐我讓他為我斟酒﹐為少點菜﹐為我夾‘食送’﹐但這樣維持不久﹐三個月後我會打回原形﹐我覺得不如我幫你做啦﹐慢慢我又重蹈覆轍。
在思想上我喜歡被愛的感覺﹐但在行為上我會做出另一回事﹐別人為少做事﹐我會覺得不好意思﹐又會覺得尷尬﹐總之有一萬個理由推動我反過來為別人去做﹐我將內心渴望的﹐都藏在心底最深深處。
我現時話在這個社會人人也認識我﹐對雙方都是壓力﹐可能有朝一日我離開這一行﹐去到某個地方﹐一個沒有人認識我的地方﹐突然有個ABC走過來也說不定﹐緣份很難估計。來的時侯便盡情享受。但在這一刻﹐我對愛情完全沒有憧憬﹐我不會再強求什麼﹐太執著只會辛苦自己。
關於舞台
梅艷芳四歲半便踏上舞台﹐開始了半生的匚演生涯。今日的她被公認為Queen of the stage﹐但她從不滿足﹐不斷再創高峰﹐因為只有在舞台上﹐她才體會到自由自在､隨心所欲的感覺。
我有很多理想﹐很多事想做﹐我要完成所有未完成的心願。工作是我的動力﹐如果要我休息什麼也不做﹐我會開始跌volt﹐但如果你說明天有很多工作等著我去完成﹐我會精神起來﹐我很enjoy我的工作。
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About Love
Anita Mui failed in many of her past romances. Now, she has no hope of love, all depends on fate, not under her control.
In the past, I thought being my boy friend was very lucky. If we went for trip, I would book air-tickets, pack luggage, all he had to do was pick up the luggage and go. But to a man, does this means happiness? Later when we broke up, I asked him: [Did I treat you good?] He replied: [Good, too good. Too good that makes me feel I am not a man. You have done all the things that men suppose to do. I had no chance to do what a man should do.] Then I started to review myself. I always thought I was a public figure, I should do more things than others, and let my man be proud of me. Who knows all is wrong.
Later I realized the problem. So when I knew a guy 2 years ago, I tried to be in very low profile at the beginning. I let him serve me, fill my cup with wine, order the dishes, serve me food. But this didn't last long, 3 weeks later, I became myself again. I felt would it be better for me to do all those for him. Gradually the same problems appeared.
In the head, I like the feeling to be loved. But in behavior, there is another matter. I don't feel comfortable to let others to do things for me, and feel embarrassed. Anyway, there are a ten thousand reasons that make me to do things for others. I bury what I long for deep down in my heart.
Right now I am living in a society, where everybody knows me. This creates pressure to the other party. One day if I leave the entertainment circle, and live somewhere else, go to a place where no one knows me, then suddenly an "ABC" might come to me. Fate is difficult to estimate, when it comes then I should enjoy it whole heartedly. But at this very moment, I have no fantasy for love. I won't demand for anything, it only makes myself feel more difficult.
About Stage
Anita Mui had stepped onto stage when she was only four and half, and started her performing life. Today, everybody honors her as Queen of the Stage. But she is never satisfied. She continues to reach one peak after the other, it is because only on stage, she feels that she is free and feels she can do whatever she likes.
I have many wishes. Many things I want to do, I want to finish whatever wish I haven't fulfilled. Work is my motivation. If I don't have to do anything and have a rest, my volt will drop. But if I am told there are many works waiting for me to finish, I will be lifted, I enjoy my work very much.