Mui - Magazine
total 11 pages
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Realized you had them only after you lost them
by Eddie Lau
There are many things in life, after you lost them then you realized that you once had them. Little Mui Sister, I was drunken last night again. During those days when you were around, did you ever see such thing happened. Still remember my frank and happy laughter? I already forgot about it, nowadays my smiles are with reluctance. Honestly, I dare not look back and talk about those years, I already buried those days I walked with you in a safe deep in my heart, dare not touch it. Whenever just touch it lightly, my heart or stomach will ache, and have to take medicine for stomachache immediately. Merely open it, I would already feel pain and fall down. Therefore all those years will be kept in the deepest part of my heart, wait till the day I will be stronger, maybe... maybe one day, I have the courage to talk about those years.
In 2003, the year when you got sick, on my birthday in February, I suggested to have dinner in your place, I would not accept any birthday present, so much suffering in this world, nothing worth to be celebrated. Except 2 birthdays that I celebrated openly, normally I won't accept birthday gifts. To make it simpler, I asked Donny (Ah Mui's assistant) to buy a Basin Dish for dinner, no need to invite too many friends, being free on that day, just be a gathering of friends. It was a very treasurable gathering of friends for birthday. Till now I still would ask Donny where he bought that Basin Dish. Actually I just wanted to recollect the memory of my last birthday with you. But never expected that would also be the last birthday James Wong spent with me. As he was not free that night, he had lunch with me to celebrate my birthday, now...
Climbed high to take pictures
I accompanied you to Shanghai to see the doctor, first time you stayed in hotel for 3 days, never stepped out of the hotel. Watched TV with you in your room. The view from you room looked like a background of ancient architect, I asked Donny to take a picture for me with my new digital camera that I just bought, you said: [I'm good in getting a better frame.] You took a few pictures for me, all risked to take those few pictures, because you stood at a comparatively high place at the balcony, also you asked me to bend my body outside the rail of the balcony, how was the result? Only one, both were not in too dangerous position. I dared not develop the rest with high degree of danger, also looked funny. As I was afraid that you liked to demonstrate your photographing skill further, I taught you how to send SMS. Just leaving Shanghai, being on different flight, you sent me 2 short messages right away: [I'm leaving for Hong Kong now, please take care! I miss you.] & [I love you, Eddie gor gor], alone sitting in the waiting room in the airport, but I didn't feel lonely.
Last look of Leslie
In the evening of April 1, maybe around 6:40pm, with a panic-stricken voice, you talked to me with anxiety: [Seems Leslie got an accident, can you get some information?] I immediately called a few friends, but could not get through, because everyone was enquiring about the same incident. Just after 7:00p.m., you already choked with sobs telling me somrthing really happened, I didn't know how to say anything. I went with you to have a last look of Leslie, you sobbed all the way, I heard you in a very low voice murmuring: [I'm coming very soon.] At that moment, I was simply in extreme grief, looking at one, and holding hand of another one, unexpectedly you said such sad thing, Little Mui Sister, how you think I can go on with my life?