Eddie Lau said:  [Don't know why, today never stopped thinking about the rehearsal of her last concert, the picture of you walking to embrace her.]  One sentence poked the pain of the heart again.  During the night, tossed and turned in bed, the head was flooded with Anita Mui.  On Dec 29, last year, the news that Ah Mui was lingering spread throughout the circle, regardless what's the subjective wish of everyone who loved her, she left.  A year passed, but seemingly it was just yesterday.  Going to Land of Nirvana, not only the 4 large words in the funeral hall, it was the wish of  Ah Mui.  But, in this earthly world, there are still things related to her not finished.  Ah Mui once said that she didn't want to be a human being in next life.  During the past year, looking at this world from her home in heaven, maybe she would have even deeper feeling.

There was a song of Anita Mui titled [Not to be a woman in next life], actually, not only not to be a woman.  In March 2003, in the Mingpao Weekly she said: [So much worries to be a human being, I have experienced all kinds of sorrow and happiness during this life, for next life, I'd rather be a little bird, flying to and fro in the sky.]

You can say Anita Mui owned many things.  She not only had fame and fortune, she  also had a whole bunch of friends who loved her, but she said [Loneliness often comes to look for me, but I take it as my old friend, I'm used to it.]

She learned how to get rid of loneliness, watching 4 football games in one night, didn't need any company.

[I'm only a woman]

Ah Mui always gave people a wrong impression that she was very strong, therefore male friends never treated her as a woman, would not take special care of her; female friends enjoyed being taken care by this big sister. [I'm a male with a female body.] She always said .

Every time when she read kung-fu story, she would feel that she was the chivalrous knight of the story, but born in a wrong era.  [I'm a Libra, born to love chivalry.  When I was young, I wished to be a police woman.]  She thought everything had to be fair, if not she'd like to speak for it.  [I know I'm the trouble shooter, being in that position (chair woman of the Guild of HK Performing Artistes), I'm prepared for all the problems.]  This chair woman, who was not afraid to say things and also worked very hard,  was respected by people of her profession, especially during [1:99 Concert], people saw her charisma and selflessness,  all planned to vote her again hoping she continued to be chairwoman for next year.  Nobody ever knew she was already reached the end of her life, but she still used her remaining energy to work for HK people.

Though she had heroic style of a man, she had more tender feelings than many women.  In addition, she was very sentimental, so whenever seeing human or natural disasters, she would be filled with grief [Life is always full of sufferings, no matter in what position, will suffer; without money naturally there is suffering, with money there is worries too, every one has one's worries.]

Once during casual talk, Ah Mui felt the heavy burden she had to bear, she told me: [I'm only a woman.]

She also once said: [In my family, women work very hard, men don't have to work, they don't even have to bring home money after they earn it.]  She, on the other hand, had to support the family, had to keep her production company running, the monthly expense was more than several tens thousands.  Ah Mui always felt it's a responsibility to support her mother, but as for her elder brother, she would not do too much, [Mother gave birth to us, we are equal, all have a pair of hands and a pair of feet, why I have to do much more?]

[Difficult to give up still have to give up]

Ah Mui longed for love from her family, but her relation with her mother was not so ideal,. [I grew up in an abnormal family.  Not much love, when I was little, mother was very busy, no time to teach us, she locked me behind the iron gate, I could only watch from my home the kids from the neighborhood running around playing.  I felt distance from my family, I had no childhood.  When I talked to my mother, she would stop me, she didn't let me talk, therefore now I have nothing to talk with her.  I won't criticize mother, because I'm not qualified, but that doesn't mean I agree to every thing she does; however, no matter what, she is my mother, this relation will never be changed.]

Ah Mui,  who had never met her own father, went through an official ceremony to be Kei (or foster) daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Ho Kwan Cheong, the Kei mother gave her a set of gold bowl, and gold chopsticks, wishing her never have to worry about her life, [Kei father is with the look of the father in my mind, he is very kind but also dignified, knowledgeable and with high sense of responsibility.]  The Hoes have a daughter, Mrs Ho addressed Ah Mui affectionately  [Zai Zai], Ah Mui had a very close relation with her foster parents.  When she went overseas to work, she had a habit to call her kei mother informing her about her safe arrival.

The demise of Ho Kwan Cheong was a big blow to Ah Mui.  Not hard to imagine [On my road of  growing up, I got many inspiration, facing birth, ageing, sickness and death, even difficult to give up still have to give up.  If not because of the demise of my kei father, when my sister left, I would not be that calm.

[For the future, say "through", is positive, say"化" is negative, I don't want to be "化".  Life is subtle, no matter how tomorrow will be, must live the remaining days well.  Sometimes when reviewing the old works, I feel that I'm superman.  I enjoy the process of work and its outcome.  When I get old, I will still have those memories accompanying me.  One day, when I leave this world, I can leave with negligent grace.]  Ah Mui talked about this in June 2001, her health was good, who would think [such a day] was so close!

House of old maid

Ah Mui longed to get married. all people knew about this.  She longed for a lasting marriage.  [Anita Mui will never get married for the sake of marriage, because if he is not my ever lasting partner, and if we get divorced in the future, it will hurt both.  Now if fail in courtship, both can still be friends, it is a kind of fate.]

She had a very high standard for everything, more particular about marriage.  She had chance to get married, but if not 100% confident, she would rather not get married.

In the past, she would always say she would look for a house of old maid, if couldn't get married, she would live with "9 dragon girls" ("9 dragon girls" of that time included Maggie Cheung, Carina Lau, Sandra Ng and etc.)  In 1998, in Mingpao Weekly she talked about the ideal house of old maid:  [The house of old maid I like would be similar to the Chinese combined 4 houses, 4 houses using the same courtyard, each with her space, but can take care of each other, with some gregarious life.  The happiest thing is that during meal time, we can sit together and chat, you know women are born with the character of "8"!]  But people will mature, the relation of "9 dragon girls" are not the same as in the past, everyone has her own life, "staying together" will be a remote dream.