Won't feel tired of her teaching

In recollection, seemingly I never had too much chance to talk my hearts with Ah Jei (In private, I always addressed her like that), mainly it was because I didn't like to trouble her, therefore there wasn't that much communication between us.  Even it was like this, I know clearly how much she loved me.  Maybe among all her students, I was the only girl, she was always partial towards me.  I saw her reprimanding (severely...) other students more than once, but never did that to me.  She would only hit my head lightly and said why I always dressed so casually, why just like going shopping in the food market.  Being stubborn, I always couldn't care less and would reply : [Never mind, this is my personal style.]  She, of course, would continue to tell me how an artist should always show people the best when she goes out...

One time, she came to see my performance during HK Art Festival.  For that program, I had to disguise as 寶塚 performer, wearing pearl-studded peacock costume.  I thought this time I was very outstanding,  Ah Zei should be satisfied.  Who knows, when I was full of joy going to the back stage and waiting to be praised by her, instead what I got was her blame, commenting that how I could walk like a penguin.  Then what followed was that I had to  walk up and down in the crowded corridor in that peacock costume for more than 10 minutes, until she nodded that I could stop.

Unique Teaching of Mui Family

She was this kind of Si-fu, she had very high standard for herself, and had the same for her students.  For a period of time, it should be the first year when I started my entertainment career, she worried that I would be topsy-turvy due to fame and fortune.  In the midnight, she called me to go to her home and admonished me, that was the only time she gave me admonition.  She told me:  [In this circle, there is too much imaginary fire, that makes you difficult to see what's true and what's fake.  Therefore, you must remember, definitely can't "float", you must work hard and conscientiously, and gradually advance forward step by step by your own ability.]

This is the unique teaching by the highest one in charge of Mui Family.  Till now this teaching is well remembered by me.  Fortunately, I have done accordingly.

The support Ah Zei gave me was everywhere.  It might sound exaggerated in saying so, but she was really like my guardian angel, always appeared at time important to me.  In July, 1996, when I took part in the New Singer Contest, she, the chief adjudicator, selected me and handed me her "war clothes" herself.  In 2001, when I got the Best New Singer Gold Award from the TVB JSG 10 Best Songs Award Presentation, she was just at back stage, she felt so happy for me in silence.  Of course, there were many difference performances, whenever she got time, she would come to support me.

Held us in embrace

The most unforgettable occasion was during the live concert with Andy Hui in 2003.  That night, we performed many of her classic songs in salute to her.  Also that part was so successful that it was the climax of the whole night.  I, on the stage, indistinctly spotted her among the audience, and saw the joy in her eyes.   At the back stage, she held me and Andy  tightly to her bosom; such a simple gesture displayed the joyfulness of us, si-fu and students. 

After that, she sent me a SMS:

[Dear Siu Sze:  last night was an unforgettable night, you made me proud of you, my student!   Love yourself well, your future is in your own hands, I bless you.     From Si-fu zai]

That was the last time she came to see my performance.

She in my dream

Ah Zei often told me not to act so funny,  especially when people were taking pictures of me (but later, when we were being photographed together, she would follow me and make funny faces, haha.)

Also she would always say that I didn't like to dress up, otherwise I could be [prettier, and a beauty too.]  During the period after she left us, I dreamed of her once, and that was the only time.  Though it was a short dream, I saw her appeared in distance, and made to me a funny face that I used to make, then she waved her hand and disappeared.  I felt contented.

That dream seemed to tell me she is happy up there, we don't have to worry about her, also don't have to feel bad for her leaving us.

Stupid person finally got enlightened

I think, after sorrow passes away, just have to live on bravely.  The dream might tell us her present condition, or just a dream, it seems not too important, because I already found from it the strength to go on.

I think, in the eyes of Ah Zei, I am always that silly little girl from the very start.  Today, I really want to tell her:

[Ah Zei, I have grown up.]

I have never forgotten every sentence you said to me in the past, and every admonition you gave me.  Although at that time I could not digest fully, actually I grasped every word in my hand.  During the last period of your days, by your action, and determination, you told us what was the professionalism on stage.  A Queen of Stage, exhausted her whole life in exchange for the love of her audience.  Being her student, how dare I be  negligent?  This stupid person, finally got enlightened by you.  Even though I fully understand all these after you left, I don't feel regret, because I believe strongly, you, in a far away place, can see us.  When I feel tired, I will think about your spirit that will never die.  At the same time, when I experience any happy things, I will remember your smile of content.

Actually, to me you have never left, because you already live brightly in my heart.

I'm grateful to you for all the things you gave me, I love you.

By little student Sze.